Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts resulting in compulsive behaviors and mental acts that the person feels driven to perform, according to rules that must be applied rigidly, aimed at reducing anxiety by preventing some imagined dreaded event.
In blogging, no less. Most people can barely summon any energy or inspiration to blog, yet here I am, a warped deviation from the average teenager, with too many things to say and too little space to express it.
But, I digress. Before I characteristically veered off-course, my main intention was to talk about my brother's commencement of baldie life in NS. (Though I have to congratulate him on striking the genetic lottery and hence having a round, undented head, therefore leading to the conclusion that a really cropped crew cut hairdo isn't entirely a lost cause on him.)
So, he's going to be gone for the next two years, only returning on weekends for two days before heading back to some godforsaken camp on Pulau Tekong. I'm going to miss him especially since he's been bumming around the house since his A's ended four months ago. It feels strange to burst into his room with the intention of spilling some exciting gossip or to borrow his inordinate amount of stationery before realising that he's no longer there. It's been cleared too, the room I mean. All his stuff has been neatly packed and put away, long gone are the scattered notes on the floor and the multi-coloured post-its on his cupboard door. The ever-increasing pile of magazines has stagnated in numbers too. And as much as I hate to admit this, this house feels empty without him at times.
Most of the time, my self absorption leads to the fabrication of quite a believable illusion that nothing has changed. But it's when the house is still and both my parents are out and I walk about aimlessly, that my feet unknowingly carry me to his room. And as I stand in the darkened room, I can't help but think about how quickly time has passed. It seems like just a few years ago when I used to run over to his room and leap on his bed, bouncing up and down while we played with soft toys that our youthful imagination brought to life; how we used to hide beneath the covers quaking in fear at the phantasmal monsters that lurked underneath the bed. And I know that it'll happen again - time will pull yet another disappearing act on me and soon, I'll be waving goodbye as both of us venture into the realm of adulthood, where whimsicality is extinct and self-expression has long died.
But, I'm not going to go that far. My sixteen year old mind isn't supposed to be able to see beyond American Idol on Friday night. Instead, for now, all I want to do is wish my brother a good two years in NS; have fun and most importantly, take care.
One of those rare occasions that we bother taking a picture together (:
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